Out of the darkness and into the light

On the 1st day of Christmas, my 7 year old daughter was rushed to intensive care.

She couldn’t breathe.

She was struggling, gasping, fighting.

I watched her close her exhausted eyes as they put her to sleep.

A thousand thoughts rushed through my mind.

I was scared, bewildered, overwhelmed, numb.

Her tiny body in a big bed surrounded by endless wires and monitors.

The machines were breathing for her.

She looked helpless, motionless, vulnerable, peaceful.

Painful needles poked into her fragile body.

Drugs and medications coursing through her veins.

Painkillers, sedatives, muscle relaxants, antibiotics.

We were like walking zombies in the day. Staying awake all night.

Puffy eyed and weary limbed, we paced the corridor outside her room.

Waiting, watching, praying, hoping…

Should we talk to her? Could she hear us? Would we hear her laugh again?

If only we could just give her a cuddle? Tell her how much we loved her.

Longing, yearning, wanting, wishing.

The phones were ringing and pinging non stop.

Messages and texts came pouring in as slowly the news spread.

Family, friends, colleagues, parents, teachers, acquaintances and even strangers.

All praying, consoling, supporting, comforting.

They held special prayers, services and chantings.

In the temple, church, gurudwara, mosque, and at home.

All that faith could not go unanswered. Somebody had to listen.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my daughter opened her eyes.

All her guardian angels must have been very busy.

Watching over her, smiling down on her, protecting her.

Bringing her out of the darkness and into the light.

She is blessed, and so are we to have her back.

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A special mention and heartfelt thank you to the amazing unsung heroes in the PICU at St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington. Thank you for giving our daughter a second chance. Xxx

Sleeping with the Angels

Isn’t it ironic that at the end of my last post I was thinking about life, and what a wonderful world it is. Then, just 2 days later we all heard about the children and adults who mercilessly died at Sandy Hook elementary school in Newton, Connecticut.

There are no words to describe this atrocity, and yet there are so many words such as loss, grief, tragedy, anger, pain, disbelief, agony, guilt, mourning, despair, suffering, torment, heartbreak…

Every time I think about it, or read, or hear about it, I shed a tear. But, I cannot even imagine for a second what the families involved must be going through. I do not know what else to say, but I found this poem and I wanted to share it with you…

Mommy,
Please don’t be so sad,
I miss you so much too.
It’s beautiful here where I am
But I worry a lot about you.
I sleep with the angels
watching over me
There’s only love up here.
I’m never lonely or afraid,
‘Cause God’s so very near.
I never cry or hurt myself
I see my loved ones everyday.
I play and laugh and sing a lot
And I hear you when you pray.
Please Mommy,
don’t be mad at God
You see, he loves me too.
And even though 
you’re not here with me,
I’m really still with you.

So, the next time that we moan, or get down about life, work, the weather, our families – just think about those whose presents are probably still underneath the Christmas tree, but who will never get to open them…

Be content. Be thankful. Be grateful.

R.I.P. Sleeping Angels.